During my freshman year of undergrad, my roommate and good friend, Dan created a webpage devoted to the funny things our friend Matt said.  I am reposting what he originally made to share with you some of these entertaining moments.  As new funny moments occur I'll post them here too.

This page is not intended to make Matt look foolish or unintelligent, because he is neither of these.  We all say silly things from time to time, but Matt is a great friend that can laugh at the funny things he say's, and adds joy to all of our lives.

Story 16: January 22^nd, 2003

Our first Matt story of the year comes from a class we have together, and before anyone thinks that what Matt did was just odd, I have to say that I agreed with him after seeing it.

Matt and I have a Gen. Ed. class together called "Justice and Virtue" and it covers a lot of ancient Greek philosophy. Since yesterday was the first real day of teaching the professor gave us some background. He mentioned how Athens was the birthplace of western civilization, western literature, and such. He told about how it was a military force at the time, and how its culture impacted foreign countries due to imperialism... after about 15 minutes of hearing how great and mighty Athens was I look over at Matt's notes and all they say is "Athens - Really Important City".

Story 15: December 7^th, 2002

Last night at our apartment, we had a random poker night. It was fun, I lost all of my money... to Steve. Either way, Matt made the night a success with some great quotes.

I hate fuzzy details, however we got on the topic of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory (you know the movie). Elizabeth brought up that she thought the movie was scary so immediately everyone in the room turns on her. We couldn't possibly think of something scary in that movie. Hell, we even were naming stuff off from the movie to see if we could find something. Stuff like golden geese, 7 course meal bubble gum, and Matt's favorite the "never stopping candy thing."

The next one needs not be explained...but the entire conversation ended with "I want to be in the beer."

Story 14: December 6^th, 2002

This came in an IM from Matt to Steve...

Matt:

\\\ \\ // ///
\\\ ######## ///
\\ ### ### //
-- ## ## --
-- ## squish ## --
-- ## ## --
// ### ### \\
/// ######## \\\
/// // \\ \\\
/ | \

You have just been hit with an AIM snow ball! It's the start of.... Snow Ball Fight 2002-2003 One rule to this game.... You can't hit some one who has already hit you! Now... go out there and hit as many people as you can before they get you! I got you first! And you can't get me back
 

Steve: that was retarded
 

Matt: i dont recall asking for your opinion

Story 13: November 18^th, 2002

Matt had his moments this weekend, first we'll start with Friday night. I decided to do something stupid with some of the money I had, so I went out that day and purchased an old Nintendo. I was playing the original Super Mario Brothers game when Matt came into my apartment. We were meeting with A.J., Derek, and Jackie to get some dinner. Matt immediately spots the game and goes "MARIO!" and he started an attempt to hum the song except the song he was humming wasn't the Mario song.  Hell it really wasn't any song, it was just a bunch of mumbling. Instead of calling him on it I started humming the actual Mario song...Matt stopped humming soon after.

This weekend, in a sorry attempt to try to catch some of our friends/relatives in the State Marching Festival in Phoenix we took a nice car trip. On the way there we had a good time just crackin' jokes left and right. Just about when we got to Phoenix I noticed something weird about Matt's button down shirt. His tag was staring me in the face...so I offered up a good "umm Matt...is your shirt on backward?" Matt just offered up a good "I don't know."

When we pulled up to Matt's house in Phoenix I asked him "Are you gonna take your stuff with you or are you just gonna leave it here." Matt opted to leave his things in A.J.'s car. A.J. then reminded Matt, "Hey Matt what about that math homework you brought with you?" Matt responded "Oh yeah!"  Because he had forgotten all about it, then he offered up "I'll leave it here." Why did he bother bringing the darn backpack?

Story 12: October 29^th, 2002

Story 10 & 11: July 4^th, 2002

Story 10

Independence Day this year has brought us two Matt moments...

First, Logan, Derek, Steve, John M, and I were in A.J.'s living room discussing how we were going to get to see the D-Backs play the Rockies in Denver at COORS field. Most of us were just excited about the fact we were going to see a game at COORS field. In fact we mentioned the words COORS field numerous times...then Matt chimes in...The idea wasn't half bad except that we're not 21...Matt said "You guys should go to that one brewery they have up there...uhhh what's it called ummm...?"

Logan fills in "COORS?"

Matt then says "Yeah that's the one...I think...is it?"

Story 11

In an intense match up of water volleyball, Matts team was down by a point and were going to lose if they couldn't stop the next point...Next thing we know Matt jumps out of the pool...everyone is like "where are you going?"

Matt replies "I was gonna get something to eat."

Story 9: June 14^th, 2002

This moment may lack the flare that some of the others have had, but it was damn weird none the less. Matt and I work in the same department of Mervyn's in the mall. Today we were both working. Our department was rather busy due to the upcoming Father's Day, so we were both stuck on the registers helping customers buy whatever it was they wanted. Now, Matt has yet to figure out that thinking things through before you say them can help; I shouldn't talk here, because I should really do the same thing. This, however, may be the best Freudian slip I've ever heard, because its just an example I would use it to explain what one is. Matt had just finished with a customer, he wished them a good day, picked his head up, turned to face the next person in line and said with all his confidence "Can I have you?" I almost wet myself.

Story 8: April 25^th, 2002

Today Matt had his latest moment that is worthy of the page. We were watching TV in my room, I think we were watching Friends. A commercial for Phantom of the Opera came on. Throughout the entire commercial they said "The Phantom of the Opera" a load of times. In addition to saying "The Phantom of the Opera" they show scenes from the show with the phantom with his mask on. At the end of the commercial, just as the words "The Phantom of the Opera" were appearing on the screen, Matt turns to me and says "Hey, was that Cats?"

Story 7: February, 2002

In February, our dorm hall went on a trip to Magic Mountain in California. After we got back Anderson needed a place to stay, so he stayed upstairs with Derek and Matt. In the morning Anderson couldn't find his pants, so at first he just excused it. A few minutes later it started to bother him so he told Derek and Matt to keep an eye open for him and Anderson went to take a shower. Once Anderson returned Matt came out with some promising news on the pants situation. Matt said "Hey John, I found your pants. I'm wearing them."

Story 6: Sometime in 2002

One night, on the way to a movie, A.J., Steve, Matt, Derek, and Jackie were riding in A.J.'s car. A.J. out of the blue turns the radio to some weird techno music. Steve in the backseat turns to Matt who is next to him and says "Rave with me Matt!" with Steve having no intention of raving himself. However Matt starts dancing away in the back of the car. In retort Steve exclaims "YOU'RE SO GAY!"

Story 5: Sometime in 2002

Probably the most memorable Matt moment came when we he and I were walking to Steve's dorm. For those of you who don't live here, we can't get into the building, so we have to call Steve on a cell phone to come let us in. Since Matt was the only one of us with a cell phone, he would do the honors. He calls and Steve picked up. Matt says "Hey Steve, come get us, we're out front in the back." Realizing the mistake I decide to try and correct him by yelling into the phone "WE'RE OUT BACK STEVE, OUT BACK." Steve hearing what Matt had said responds, "Matt, Matt, put an adult on the phone."

Story 4: Sometime in 2002

At about the time Derek had started using Jack Handy quotes for his away messages, Derek had come back from one of his classes. Matt in his attempt to help turns to Derek and says "Its not Jack Handy its Jack Candy. Ka Ka Candy." Needless to say, the world was never the same again.

Story 3: March 24, 2002

During the Academy Awards this year Matt, Derek, and Jackie were watching together in Derek and Matt's room. An honorary Oscar was just given to famous African American actor Sydney Portier. After mentioning the mans name many, many, times and having a tribute video to him, Matt looks up and says "Hey, it's Danny Glover." No Matt, no it's not. Ok, I can at least see this mistake happening, but when they showed Halle Berry's husband on the screen, Matt said "It's Denzel Washington!"

Danny Glover        Sydney Portier

 Halle Berry's Husband   Denzel Washington

Story 2: Sometime in 2001

One evening I was up in Derek and Matt's room. We were bored. Luckily the movie The Sandlot was on so we watched that. We got to the part where the latino kid had the dream about Babe Ruth coming to give him divine advice. Matt remarks "Hey its Hank Aaron!" so I turn to Matt to correct him and say "Dude, Hank Aaron is black, that's Babe Ruth." Matt then looks down at his hand and starts counting something with his fingers, he looks up and says "Oh yeah, he is black."   What was he counting?

Story 1: Sometime in 2001

One day on the way to get some food Matt, Derek, and I were walking  toward the union. The World Series was that evening and we couldn't wait to watch the Diamondbacks. I turned to Derek and asked "Hey, Do you know if Schilling is pitching tonight?" After an extensive conversation Derek and I came to the conclusion that Schilling was in fact pitching that evening. After we were done talking and had walked for a little bit, Matt turns to us and asks "Hey, Do you know if Schilling is pitching tonight?"

Page Last Updated:

Monday, July 27, 2009

11:06 AM