Tonight, the night before my sweet baby girl goes to Kindergarten, we had a great evening and I put them to bed while AJ was at work and continued my nightly routine of cleaning up, checking email, relaxing a little before attempting to go to bed myself.  Finally the tears that have been welling up since she graduated pre-K started to fall.  The ones that threatened at Kindergarten orientation.  All summer I have been mentally preparing myself for tomorrow the day my baby takes her first step away from me and into the world.  It is like your heart is outside your body and walking around and you have absolutely no control over it.  So yes I did quietly walk into her room and silently cried looking at her beautiful sleeping face for fifteen minutes until she made the smallest sound and moved her arm.  Which flooded me with a memory of her as an infant when she would take a distinct two quick inhales followed by a long exhale.  It was AJ’s favorite when she did that.  So far I have been all smiles for the whole thing, being careful never to mention my feelings unless Brooke was asleep or absent because for her it is so exciting.  And part of parenthood is this, masking your true emotions for the betterment of your child, and this I know.  So we have been so excited getting everything ready for her and she is really happy to finally be riding the bus and going to Kindergarten ‘real school’, and I am TRULY happy for her.  Tomorrow I will be all smiles, and pictures, and completely support her in her big day, and she will never know that tonight I get to cry, be overwhelmed by my love for her, and feel what I am sure every good mother feels as their child takes a big step.